"win-lose" situation to a "win-win"

There are many advantages to trying to shift a win/lose situation to a win/win. Yet we will be in situations where the other person either doesn't wish to reach a "win-win" or doesn't realize it is in his or her best interest to achieve a collaborative solution. In these situations it is necessary for us to open lines of communication, and try to increase trust and cooperativeness.
Sometimes conflicts escalate, the atmosphere becomes charged with anger, frustration, resentment, mistrust, hostility, and a sense of futility. Communication channels close down or are used to criticize and blame the other. We focus on our next assault. The original issues become blurred and ill-defined and new issues are added as the conflict becomes personalized. Even if one side is willing to make concessions often hostility prevents agreements. In such a conflict, perceived differences become magnified, each side gets locked into their initial positions and each side resorts to lies, threats, distortions, and other attempts to force the other party to comply with demands.

It is not easy to shift this situation to a win-win but the following lists some techniques that you might use:
1.reduce tension through humor, let the other "vent," acknowledge the other's views, listen actively, make a small concession as a signal of good faith

2.increase the accuracy of communication; listen hard in the middle of conflict; rephrase the other's comments to make sure you hear them; mirror the other's views

3.control issues: search for ways to slice the large issue into smaller pieces; depersonalize the conflict--separate the issues from the people

4.establish commonalities: since conflict tends to magnify perceived differences and minimize similarities, look for greater common goals (we are in this together); find a common enemy; focus on what you have in common

5.focus less on your position and more on a clear understanding of the other's needs and figure out ways to move toward them

6.make a "yesable" proposal; refine their demand; reformulate; repackage; sweeten the offer; emphasize the positives

7.find a legitimate or objective criteria to evaluate the solution (eg. the blue book value of a car)

Win-Win Bargaining:

Keys to Integrative Bargaining

Orient yourself towards a win-win approach: your attitude going into negotiation plays a huge role in the outcome
Plan and have a concrete strategy...be clear on what is important to you and why it is important
Know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Alternative)
Separate people from the problem
Focus on interests, not positions; consider the other party's situation:
Create Options for Mutual Gain:
Generate a variety of possibilities before deciding what to do
Aim for an outcome based on some objective standard
Pay a lot of attention to the flow of negotiation;
Take the Intangibles into account; communicate carefully
Use Active Listening Skills; rephrase, ask questions and then ask some more

Kinds of Bargaining/Negotiation

The Two Most Important Kinds of Bargaining:

Distributive (win-lose) vs. Integrative (win-win)

Distributive (also called competitive, zero sum, win-lose or claiming value).
one side "wins" and one side "loses."
there are fixed resources to be divided so that the more one gets, the less the other gets.
one person's interests oppose the others.
the dominant concern in this type of bargaining is usually maximizing one's own interests.
dominant strategies in this mode include manipulation, forcing, and withholding information.

Integrative (collaborative, win-win or creating value).
there is a variable amount of resources to be divided and both sides can "win."
dominant concern here is to maximize joint outcomes.
dominant strategies include cooperation, sharing information, and mutual problem solving. This type is also called "creating value" since the goal here is to have both sides leave the negotiating feeling they had greater value than before.